Lyrics
[Verse 1]
Knock knock knock, somebody's at the door
Uncle Robert's here with wife number four
Or maybe five? I've lost the score
She's got a tan like she lives by the sea
He says "Merry Christmas to the family"
[Verse 2]
Mom sets the bowl on the kitchen table
Says "Come and get it, all willing and able"
I pour myself a cup, take a little sip
Captain Morgan hits like a cannonball ship
[Pre-Chorus]
Then I remember Uncle Robert's little flaw
Can't pour a drink with any restraint at all
I peek around the corner, what do I see?
Two cups in his hands, filled past the brim
My heart starts pounding, I know what that means
Egg Nog Bob's about to enter the scene
[Chorus]
Egg Nog Bob burns the fire bright
Drinks you under the table every Christmas night
Won't hesitate to pick a fight
We love him in the morning
But the night's a whole different story
Egg Nog Bob's going out in a blaze of glory
[Verse 3]
By seven-thirty Bob's got the karaoke out
Singing "Margaritaville" way too loud
Tells my cousin Jim his beard looks fake
Challenges Dad to some arm wrestling stakes
[Pre-Chorus]
Now he's up on the coffee table, giving a speech
About how Christmas used to be back in seventy-three
His new wife's passed out on the couch
And Bob's refilling that cup, there ain't no doubt
We're in for a long December night
'Cause Egg Nog Bob's just hitting his stride
[Chorus]
Egg Nog Bob burns the fire bright
Drinks you under the table every Christmas night
Won't hesitate to pick a fight
We love him in the morning
But the night's a whole different story
Egg Nog Bob's going out in a blaze of glory
[Bridge]
Come Christmas morning, Robert's sipping coffee slow
Apologizing for the lamp and the stereo
Says "What the hell got into me?"
But we all know next year, same time, same tree
Egg Nog Bob will make his return
Some traditions you just never learn
[Final Chorus]
Egg Nog Bob burns the fire bright
Drinks you under the table every Christmas night
Won't hesitate to pick a fight
We love him in the morning
But the night's a whole different story
Egg Nog Bob's going out in a blaze of glory
[Outro]
Yeah, Egg Nog Bob
He's a family tradition
Whether we like it or not
So pour another round and turn the music up
Here's to Egg Nog Bob, that crazy son of a gun